Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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