So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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