So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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