The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
