I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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