miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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