She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
