I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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