i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
