Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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