I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
