Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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