you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
