so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
