I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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