hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
