I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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