i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
