every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
