So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think my vagina is haunted
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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