He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
