I don't usually arrange sex via text message
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
