grandma shit on top of the toilet
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They took my balls.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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