so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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