I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
