saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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