drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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