Banned from zoo.
Again?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
