If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
