i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
