I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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