She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
