just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
