We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
