that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
