Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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