so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
