on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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