i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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