This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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