his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
