It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
