Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
