I think my vagina is haunted
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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