11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
