You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
