Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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