just survived the first fart of the relationship.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
