My sheets look like a crime scene.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
