i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
