Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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