Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
