Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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