Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
