How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Fuck appropriateness.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
