And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
