My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
