So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
