Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
