If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
