i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
