Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
