Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
