i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
then he tried to convert me to islam
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't notice because vodka
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
