sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
