Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
