I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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