i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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