Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
