there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
